My father used to say, you are my incomplete desire… Now it is fulfilled. He started his medical studies to fulfill his dream. The medical did not look bad, but seeing every patient, it felt as if I was living someone else’s dream. Like I am repaying a loan, that too against my mind … Recently, while hearing this from the mouth of a doctor, the question came to the mind that this is a complicated situation in which neither family can be justified nor children … what is the psychology behind it. A word Sacrifice Debt was revealed in this research. Let’s understand it wonderfully.
In the story of generations going to college, thousands of first people around the world, a big chapter of parents is associated. Especially in the family where the parents left everything and chose a good future for the children. In fact, this loan of parents is not of money that you pay money by paying money, often children have to pay their identity.
‘You will do something big’ but what is that ‘something’?
Mental Health Therapist Nahid Fattahi wrote in an article that this is such an invisible pressure in which we have to give account of our parents sacrifices and we pay this with our decisions, not with money. No one had any talks about this debt, there was no promise. Still it binds us like a silent door. ‘You will do something big’, but what is the right to decide that ‘something’?
If seen, mostly a sentence goes on in every family that we did everything for you… and this one sentence also makes a child’s choice-dislikes, career, marriage and even the way of thinking. A girl who wanted to do journalism with his mind is a software engineer in America today. The housemates are happy, they feel that the daughter has become successful after getting a good job, green card, branded car. But the daughter’s mind feels as if she is living a life of someone else, not her own.
Love of parents tied in conditions
The definition of ‘love’ in many families is associated with obedience. One such condition in which it is hidden that if you refused, then our love turned down. This is the place where Sacrifice Debt hurts mental health the most. According to therapist Fatahi, when love is bound by command, he produces guilt and anxiety without speaking.
Daughters become responsible for fulfilling dreams in India and responsibility on son
Psychological Dr. Vidhi M. Pilania says that in societies like India, this burden is often divided according to gender. There is often pressure on the son to become a ‘house support’ from a young age. At the same time, daughters are seen as ‘ideal children’ which fulfills the incomplete desires of parents. Many daughters become emotional caretaker and culture guarding at the same time. When such children want to talk about their mind, they say ‘I am not happy,’ I want to do something else ‘, then the answer is that’ we did everything for you and you are saying this? ‘
Where there is no conversation, guilt is there
Dr. Pillonia says that where there is no conversation between two people, there is a different kind of guilt. When we do not openly tell that yes we are grateful to you but want to live for ourselves as well. Due to lack of space to tell the truth openly, the feeling of Sacrifice Debt continues to bind. It is considered to be Ahsanfaramoshi, while it is honesty. If you are reading this and are parents, then a sentence can give a lot to your child, you should say to the child
You have to take the decisions of your life yourself. I guided if you want to take some more decisions then you are wishing. The rest I did for you, he did not do it with any bargain.
It is important to change the meaning of success
Success in our society means degree, job, marriage, car, flat. But in real success, happiness, mental peace, freedom, should be your identity. Sacrifice Debt is a reality, but it should not be your identity. We love our parents. It is our nature to respect their sacrifices. Nevertheless, we have to understand that we have also brought one of our lives, which is not just to live, but we have to live.